For the long haul

Journal Entry from 1/5/14

I have been waiting a long time to post this journal entry from the first part of the year. I am ready now. Thanks for reading.

“If you know me, you would think that healthy confidence abounds, however, to really know me involves insight to an immense amount of insecurity about my body image. I have been overweight my whole life and have used humor to mask it. I once had a friend tell me that he was afraid if I lost weight that I wouldn’t be funny anymore. And I’ll admit it. I am pretty funny. But most of the time the humor is masking an afraid, insecure, fat kid who has never overcome this challenge. Here I am at 29. 295 lbs, a regular blood pressure of 155/95, central and obstructive sleep apnea, skin rashes and I cannot tie my shoes without getting out of breath. I am in bad shape.

Up until this point, I would try diets for about one month at a time, I would lose 10, 15 maybe 20 pounds and then I would get discouraged about falling off the wagon and stay off. But I’m getting back on and I’m taking you with me on my journey. I don’t know what the future will hold. I hope that I will stick with it and lose the 100 pounds that I want/need to, but I make no guarantees. This is going to be very vulnerable and raw. Some of the things that I will talk about may make you uncomfortable, but vulnerability is key in this process. I’m inviting you into my broken journey, this time for the long haul.”